My Serious Sillyman

Dear Baby Boy,

You are 4. Oh no - starting to cry again. But before this week flies by I want to say a few things about who you are so that I don't forget. I'm not going to be able to capture you fully right now, as you are beautifully complex (I really do love that about you), but a few things on my mind right now. . .

You are conscientious and have a melancholy temperament, just like your Daddy and me. I just went to check on you, and saw that you had fallen asleep biting your nails. You and Daddy have an agreement that you can catch and reprimand each other for your nervous habits - his is pulling on the skin around his thumb. I often hear you saying under your breath to yourself, "Nope! Don't do it! Don't bite your nails!" Before bed you asked for something else to eat, and suspecting you weren't really hungry, I offered you a salad (you've recently declared, "I love salad!" and you did indeed eat a whole bowl), and while munching on that you asked, "How many years until we die?". Oh, Jackson, how serious you have always been. We, your parents, are serious folks ourselves, so I understand, & I pray that you will not be ruled by fear but be single-minded in the pursuit of God and the good of His Kingdom. I think He's going to answer that prayer.

You are not all seriousness, mind you. How you can be so contemplative and yet so silly is beyond me. Tonight Matthew had a class, and as the thought of dinner without him was unappealing, I decided to leave for SuperWalmart at 5 with my very, very long list. I knew I might hit traffic, I knew y'all might be cranky, and I knew it would be more expensive to let you eat deli chicken nuggets for dinner while I shopped, but I did it anyway. And it was fine, though you with your sensitive stomach said you needed to throw up twice (thankfully you never did. I think the cause was the chocolate milk I had 2 $1/off coupons for, which is why you each got a full 16 oz. of chocolate milk when you could really only handle maybe 6. But hey! Only 16 cents each!). When we got home it was 7 and completely dark, so I plopped y'all in front of Sesame Street.org while I unloaded the car of groceries (yeah, I was a really good parent tonight, wasn't I?). When I came back in after the first round (now I'm getting to my point, I promise), you were full-on giggling hysterically at the Martians discovering a radio. And the thing is, at the end of that video clip, I understood! Because that's you! Those silly martians making silly sounds are acting just like you do when you're being silly (which is a lot). They get you! And it helped me get you a little better myself. Boing Boing Boing Boing. . .

JaJackson, I love who you are and who you're becoming. I love how sensitive you are to us and your brother. I love taking naps with you and reading with you. I love just being your mother. Thank you for that privilege.